12/13/2006

Record-Eagle/Jan-Michael Stump
Shari Whittaker opened Image Insight Photography in Cedar this summer to house her gallery and photography business after a rough period in her life.

The resilience factor

How some people overcome adversity and thrive

BY BECKY KALAJIAN
Special to the Record-Eagle

Special to the Record-Eagle/Jan-Michael Stump
Nichole Warner opened Unity Fair Trade Marketplace and Gathering Space using inspiration from her daughter, Sierra, who died in a tragic accident.

TRAVERSE CITY — Walk into Nichole Warner's downtown store — there is life and joy here. The lime green and mandarin walls, tribal music, and exotic aromas infuse Unity Fair Trade Marketplace, a fair trade gift store, with happiness.

But just two years ago, the single mother's life was plunged into a nightmare.

Warner is an example of the resiliency of human beings — of how some people are able to overcome the most difficult hurdles to regain strength. They not only survive, they thrive.

Warner's life changed overnight when her oldest child Sierra died in a tragic and widely reported car accident. Two days after her 11th birthday, Sierra, her friend Anna Maas, Dr. Karen Gilhooly and Gilhooly's daughter Rowan drowned after Gilhooly's car went into Long Lake en route to Interlochen for a concert.

The heartbreaking loss is something Warner carries with her; the mention of Sierra lights up her face and fills her eyes with tears. But her deep faith that Sierra is with her has given her strength to pick herself up and change her life.

"I hear her little voice saying 'You can do this, Mama,'” said Warner, who has since remarried and is expecting a baby, her fifth, this spring. "But it took me a while to get to this point.”

Allowing herself time to grieve deeply and leaning on friends and family helped her to slowly heal. In time, Warner began to think hard about life's meaning and what she was here to do.

About the time Sierra was born, Warner had started thinking about ways to help the poor in other countries. She dreamed that one day she would open a store that sold only handmade, indigenous goods that poured money back into the communities that created them.

A year after Sierra died, Warner knew it was time to get out of the holding pattern she was in.

"Sierra knew about this — she had come with me to little craft shows and would even tell people about (the idea of the store),” she said. "In a strange way, that loss gave me the strength to do those things I knew I should do.”

Overcoming devastating circumstances often propels individuals into places they had only dreamed of. It is commonly known as "the resilience factor,” said Dr. Lori Boothroyd, a licensed psychologist whose focus is wellness coaching.

"The resilience factor describes people who have grit or guts,” said Boothroyd, who practices individual and couple therapy. "They're called upon in this challenge during loss and exhibit strengths like tenacity and calling others for social support.”

Indeed, social support and tenacity made up the slim thread that kept local photographer Shari Whittaker from sliding into depression and homelessness after divorce.

Two years ago, the mother of five was devastated by the unexpected end of her 25-year marriage. With a child still at home, she moved around, taking odd jobs to keep the lights on and food on the table.

Despite her dire circumstances, Whittaker kept listening to a whispering voice that encouraged her to start her own gallery and photographic portraiture business.

When she found a small, two-room cottage in Cedar that needed love and gallons of elbow grease, Whittaker was "discouraged,” she said. But it was just enough to add on a small gallery in what was the garage as well as provide a home for her and her teenage daughter.

But times were tough. At first, there was no heat and the two lived in a 9-by-8-foot room packed with boxes. They shared a twin bed, a cable-less TV and faith that everything would turn out OK.

"I just didn't know how I would finish it all, but I knew I had to keep going,” said Whittaker, who has since remarried and has a newborn son. "And I had people who believed in me, telling me I had talent (and) not to give up.”

Though she struggled with bouts of depression, Whittaker managed to reach out to friends and many different agencies in pursuit of her dream.

She developed a business plan with SCORE, a federal mentorship program run through the Traverse City Chamber of Commerce. She received moral and financial help through her church and the Leelanau County Planning and Community Development office. And when she felt the scepter of depression lingering near, she turned to the Women's Resource Center and Leelanau County Health Department.

Reaching out when things were at their worst was a "lifesaver,” said Whittaker, whose Image Insight Photography in Cedar is taking off with the help of modest advertising and word-of-mouth.

"There are people out there who want to help,” she said. "And when you're on hard times, it makes you strong if you know what matters in life.”