12/24/2006

You can judge a year by its person

By Tom Carr
Record-Eagle staff writer

I'm honored, and more than a little surprised.

It seems I've been named Time magazine's person of the year. That's right. I just picked up a copy and it had a picture of a computer with the word "You,” saying that "You control the information age.”

It's hard to believe that I control much of anything from my 6-year-old computer at home that has a telephone modem and freezes up more often than the contestants' brains in a Slurpee-drinking contest.

Still, I will dispatch my duties as person of the year with utmost seriousness. OK, so I have to share the distinction with the rest of you.

What this really sounds like is an easy out for the editors at Time. My guess is they've probably had this one in the hopper, ready to fall back on the next time a year came along for which they couldn't come up with a single person to honor.

And is it any wonder that nobody stepped up to the plate this year? Maybe they had to come up with a new person after Jessica Simpson flubbed the lyrics while trying to sing "9 to 5” as if it were "La freakin' traviata.”

But what about that Tom "Tom” Anderson, the guy who started MySpace? He's everybody's first MySpace friend when they start their page. But try to get hold of him for a ride the next time your car breaks down. Ha! He's not such a friend after all, is he?

No, the people who get honored are the ones who "control the information age.” Like teenagers who ignore the friends sitting next to them at the mall so they can text-message friends who are somewhere else.

Or it's the people who post videos on YouTube, meaning you no longer have to wait until "America's Funniest Videos” to see people getting hit in the crotch.

Now, of course most of the stuff being blogged, YouTubed, text-messaged, e-mailed and otherwise transmitted on the Internet is forgettable and mundane.

On the other hand, the Web has occasionally been used and will continue to be used once in a great while for true brilliance. The only problem is it will probably be on the 137th page of Google results and we'll get distracted by a scam pop-up ad offering a free iPod before we ever get to it.

The fact is, we can all take satisfaction in knowing we truly are the driving force behind the information age and worthy of collective person-of-the-year status.

Yet when all is said and done, we know who the real person of the year is, don't we?

My wife tells me, "It's not always about you.” I know that means it really is always about me.

So, if you see me on the street, congratulate me.

Or send me a text message.