08/19/2007

Twentysomething

This time, I get what I need

By Garret Ellison
Local Columnist
gellison@
record-eagle.com

I chased a stag up a mountainside under a full moon while I was in Colorado last month.

I obviously didn't catch it, but the chase was exhilarating nonetheless. The deer was huge — at least a 12-point rack. My friend and I flanked it, sprinting up the rocky incline behind our motel.

I was out west for orientation at the University of Colorado at Boulder, being a direct-admit transfer to its journalism school. I was one of three such students for the fall semester.

At the time, I took the deer as an omen; a goal I'd be chasing during my studies. It wasn't until I returned to Traverse City that I realized I'd misread the meaning.

I was yanked back to reality by my credit history, which made getting a student loan from a third-party lender impossible. I had some grants and government loans, but not enough to cover out-of-state tuition.

Frantically, I turned to my father for help. "I need a co-signer,” I begged.

"I might be willing to do that,” he said. But the help was contingent on producing a budget plan. He wanted detailed amounts and a schedule of repayment.

My heart sank as I prepared the document. For the first time, I realized how much I'd be paying: close to $50,000 for two years of tuition to get a bachelor's degree. And Boulder rents are sky high, so add another $30,000 for two years of that.

That's too much, I thought. How had I missed something so important? How had I ignored the bottom line?

Looking through my photos from the trip, I stopped on one taken from a low angle, with a blue sky and clouds behind my head. A head in the clouds. Sigh.

I've been chafing in Traverse City for the past few years, trying and failing twice to get into Michigan State University because of a math class I bombed in 2004. (Hey, I'm a writer.) MSU jacked up its standards in the face of economic doldrums in Michigan. More high-tech grads is the drumbeat.

I've lived on my own since I was 17 years old and earned an associate degree in science and arts from Northwestern Michigan College. Despite having a good, but temporary, job here at the paper, I know many younger colleagues who have already graduated from universities. I'm 24 and spinning my wheels. This city is beautiful, but I long to see it in the rear-view mirror.

So, I had applied out of state, hoping to trade the lakes for the mountains. Luckily, I hedged my bets by simultaneously applying to Central Michigan University in Mount Pleasant. Had I not, I'd be stalled again. Living in Mount Not-So-Pleasant doesn't appeal to me in the slightest, but I won't be buried under debt when I leave.

Is there a lesson here? Probably a few. The stag is a metaphor that keeps returning. As I came to terms with an opportunity just out of reach, a song came on the car radio:

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.”