07/12/2007

Porch swing glides to stop, but not Arlene

By Loraine Anderson
Local columnist
landerson@
record-eagle.com

Read Loraine's past columns here

I sit in my writing room, letting the beauty and mystery of life soak in.

It is the morning after a whirlwind trip to my hometown in the Thumb to attend the funeral of Arlene Western, a friend who died in her sleep last Friday morning at the age of 91.

Arlene was the first neighbor I remember. She, husband Red and mother Tillie Shafer lived next door from the time I was a toddler until I started school.

One of my earliest memories is of me sitting between Arlene and Tillie on the glider swing on their front porch as they chatted and laughed with my mother, a German war bride. Arlene and Tillie taught my mother to sew, cook and navigate American life, but the most important thing they gave her was love and friendship in a new land. Mom was always grateful for their kindness — and so am I. In the five years since my mother's death, I've come to realize Arlene was more than my mother's good friend. She's been a beautiful friend to me almost all of my life.

Arlene and I had some things in common. We both lost our fathers at an early age. Our mothers had to work hard on small earnings to make ends meet. We understood each other.

Whether she knew it or not, Arlene helped me process the emotions that followed my mother's death by sharing her many memories of my mother, father, grandpa and grandmother. Her willingness to answer my questions helped me reconnect to important times in my life before my father's early death in 1956 and my grandmother's three months later.

I have many memories of Arlene: The tall, slender, always well-dressed woman who sat on that glider swing five decades ago, talking to a little girl, who felt special and loved in her presence. The strong, determined woman who lived gracefully with crippling arthritis. The loving kindness she exhibited to caregivers and roommates in 2004 while recuperating from a broken hip at the county medical care facility.

I remember recent visits and the gratitude she expressed for family and friends in her life. She talked about how she used to worry about who would look after her in her old age because she and Red had no children.

"But look how lucky I am,” she said, flashing her bright-eyed and wonderful smile that erased her thin, frail and contorted body and offered her heart.

I always will remember the quiet grace and dignity of that moment.

Arlene was a gift. Her love, encouragement and joy whenever she saw me have made a beautiful and stunning difference in my life. I am fortunate to have known her and I am grateful.

I loved her.

Reach Loraine Anderson at landerson@record-eagle.com.