05/20/2007

The View from Sunnybank

A different perspective of the garden

By Dee Blair
Local columnist
dblair@
voyager.net

Read Dee's past columns here
Read Dee's Good Dirt blog

A retired couple visiting the garden last summer had their own clear vision of how my patch of ground ought to look. After settling onto the big garden bench, they re-designed Sunnybank to make sense.

A fascinated friend reading nearby reported this conversation.

He (chewing gum): "My God, Harriet, can you imagine how much time she's spent digging? Her back's probably ruined from heaving all that dirt around. Her chiropractor must be rich!”

She (pointing): "I'll bet she tracks tons of dirt into that house. Her vacuum would need emptying constantly!”

He (finger pointing at the alley): "I'd fence over that alley door; it just invites riff-raff to sneak in. Besides, it's fairly ratty, anyway… Probably won't last much longer...

"And look at that — whatever it is. (The Folly) She's tied that scraggly shrub to those rafters — and for what? I'd have chopped it down! Look at it — long past its 'sell-by' date; anything needing that much propping needs yanking. Meditative chewing, then, "I'd definitely put grass there … No, wait! I'd stack our firewood there — the perfect place!

A thoughtful pause, then, more quietly: "Am I nuts? More grass anywhere means WORK. It'd drive me bonkers to mow around these curves… All that huffing and puffing, and for what? I'd have laid gravel!”

She: "Gravel? You moron! Then you'd have it in your shoes, and in the house, and it would ruin the vacuum … It never stays where you lay it! Don't do gravel; do cement! Or asphalt! Problem solved!”

He (nodding, chewing gum vigorously): "Obviously, I'd dump the fountains; they're magnets for bird poop. And all those birds spread bird flu, or, worse, some damn mosquito horde would zero in on my neck from so much water. Encephalitis kills, you know…

"See that chalky white all over the pond rim? Mineral deposits! Ugh! Why would she paint it black? Everything shows! White would at least disguise this mess! Too bad Traverse City's cursed with hard water.

Chewing hard: "You know, this bench needs beer and chips to make it better ... and a pad wouldn't hurt…”

She: "Yeah, all that water combined with dirt would certainly clog the vacuum, and I'd spend way too much time cleaning the stupid brushes, and changing bags. My carpet would look old in a heartbeat!

Looking at bench: "At least you'd be eating outside. I wouldn't have to mop up after you constantly ... Crumbs attract birds, and ants; did you think of that?”

He: "Imagine how much money she spends watering the plants!” Pointing: "See the irrigation lines? Wasted money! I bet we saved hundreds of dollars when we got rid of the veggie garden. These flowers are nothing but work. Poor woman. Nothing but work and bugs. Raising vegetables is at least useful.”

She: "Yeah, but you dragged so many critters in with the carrots and potatoes — and dirt, too. Dirt and potatoes, dirt and potatoes. I got so sick of cleaning up potato dirt in the sink, on the rug, on the floor.”

He: "My solutions are no-brainers. I could make her life so much easier.

Head cocked: "I like the evergreens, though; there's absolutely NO work involved. Just plant, then ignore them.”

Happy sigh.

She: "You know, she's really a slave. I understand slavery. I wonder who sweeps these walks? I like them; no cracks for dirt.”

He (absently sticking the exhausted gum to the bench's underarm, but then, pocketing it, muttering): "She's got enough work here; why add to it?”

She (finger wagging): "Don't drop that gum! I better not find it on your shoe in the house.”

They stroll out, shaking their heads.

Dee Blair's Sunnybank Garden, 325 Sixth Street, Traverse City, will open May 29, then usually daily, from around 9 a.m. until evening. Before coming a long way, or if bringing larger or special needs groups, call ahead at 929-4351; an appointment is recommended to avoid disappointment. Please check the sign for open times. Reach Blair care of the Record Eagle, or via e-mail at dblair@voyager.net. Also, see her blog, which often elaborates on columns, at blogs.record-eagle.com.